I jinxed it.

Maybe I should have waited a couple days before I blogged about our busted cycle.  Maybe then I wouldn't have jinxed myself after handing the news so well.  Maybe I should have gone to Wal-Mart and picked up the prescription trigger shot last week when they called and said it was in....then that way I wouldn't have been picking up prenatal vitamins, Novarel, and birth control pills all at the same time yesterday afternoon. 

I went to get my prescriptions yesterday, since the nurse told me to start the birth control pills today (Thursday).  I show up and they pulled out 2 prescriptions (my trigger shot that I had already ordered before my period even started and a refill of my prenatals)-but no birth control.  The lady behind the counter stared at me blankly saying there was no record of that prescription.  So there I was, standing at the Wal-Mart Pharmacy counter, calling my doctor's office to see where the hell this prescription is, to which the nurse's response was, "well we called it in yesterday.  I don't know why they don't have it."  After about 15 minutes of this, all for a drug that I really don't WANT to take and goes against everything we've been doing for the last 1 1/2 years (...I know, why I'm on it and whatever, it's fine...it was just the principle behind the matter....birth control while TTC..ugh) they finally figured out it was called into the wrong Wal-Mart.  Needless to say, we got it taken care of, and I walked out with all 3 of my oxy-moronic meds. 

I don't know why, but this was the proverbial 'straw that broke the camel's back.'  As I was walking out of Wal-Mart I could feel the sting of tears in my eyes and my throat tightening.  Dammit, you're not gonna do this....MAN UP!!! But it was too late.  All my "Polly Positive" energy was gone-I was losing it in the Wal-Mart parking lot. 

That night, DH knew instantly that something was the matter.  (I don't know what gave it away...maybe my puffy eyes and the goblet-sized wine glass filled to the brim?)  He didn't push the issue until I hardly ate supper, ignored 2 phone calls, and said I was going to bed--at 8:30.  Once I realized he wasn't going to leave it alone and he wanted to talk about it, my temper-tantrum of the year began.  I sobbed and sobbed for nearly an hour as he held me and took on the role of Pollyanna.  The last three months I've been so strong, so positive about everything, and in one (rather large) crying fit I felt like I was back to my neurotic self that I had been this summer--someone I really didn't like being.

Today I started the birth control.  Today is a new day.  We're one day closer to our child.  My utter meltdown has passed and I've picked myself up and dusted off.  I'll be okay....only if my meltdown-induced headache hadn't resurfaced this morning....after an Excedrin migraine, maybe I'll be back to 100%.