Waiting...and waiting...

For the first time--probably ever-- I can honestly say I was excited for CD 1.  This new cycle would bring the start of the next leg of the race-injections.  So in between our appointment with the RE and now, time has been slllllllloooowwwwwwllllyyyyyy passing by...until last week.  FINALLY! I started spotting last Wednesday, so I knew it would be on its way.  Now, my annoying spotting can last anywhere from two days to a week.  I was hoping it would be closer to the two days.  After four days of teasing, Sunday was the real day: CYCLE DAY ONE!!!!

I called my doctor's office early Sunday morning, they faxed the order for blood work and ultrasound to my doctor in Kearney, and Monday morning I called to set up the CD 3 appointment.  The only thing standing between me and the next step was the blood work and ultrasound.  My RE had told me the reason for the CD ultrasound was to make sure there were no cysts and the blood work was to make sure all the hormone numbers were where they should be.

So yesterday morning I had my CD 3 appointment.  I spent the entire day with my phone 6 inches from my hand at all time, anxiously awaiting the call from my RE with the go-ahead and my injection dosage.  Well, that's not what I got.  (Of course not, right, because WHY would something just work out the first time for me?!)

As it turned out, the ultrasound indicated no cysts, but my lining was still super thick--12mm ("...on the bright side, we know you don't have a lining issue," said the nurse on the phone).  However, that's not "a big deal," she said.  The kicker--my lab work was NOT what it should have been.  Estradiol was a staggering 140.  It's supposed to be <50.  This cycle is already a complete bust.  F*CK.  So the next step now???  (Oh and I love the irony of this one....) birth control pills to "re-boot" my system.  BAHAHA!  It's actually quite hilarious! Birth control pills when your TTC?!  DH made a good point, though.  He said, "I'd rather have to wait another 3 weeks and do it right, than waste our time and money if everything doesn't look good."  And I totally agree with him.  I actually took the news much better than I had expected. 

So here we are, waiting...and waiting...and waiting, yet again.  I guess this is just another detour on our journey.  The good news is I plan to thoroughly enjoy my Christmas break with lots of wine, food, and good company.  I've considered chasing my birth control pill with lovely shiraz....think that's okay?  :)  The other good news, at least on the pill I won't have an almost 40 day cycle like this last one was....god that sucks. 

I know this wait is another part of God's plan and I'm pretty proud of myself for not throwing a temper-tantrum because of the wait.  I guess it's really an appropriate time of the year, too.  As I reflect on this wait, I think about the Advent season and how we're awaiting the birth of Christ.  Just as God is preparing our hearts for our Lord this time of year, He too, is preparing my heart for the rest of our journey.  It reminds me of a song by John Waller......

I'm waiting, I'm waiting on You Lord
And I am hopeful, I'm waiting on You Lord
Though it is painful, but patiently I will wait

And I will move ahead bold and confident
Taking every step in obedience

While I'm waiting I will serve You
While I'm waiting I will worship
While I'm waiting I will not faint
I'll be running the race even while I wait

I'm waiting, I'm waiting on You Lord
And I am peaceful, I'm waiting on You Lord
Though it's not easy no, but faithfully I will wait
Yes, I will wait

And I will move ahead bold and confident
Taking every step in obedience 

 
While I'm waiting I will serve You
While I'm waiting I will worship
While I'm waiting I will not faint
I'll be running the race even while I wait

I will move ahead bold and confident
I'll be taking every step in obedience, yeah

While I'm waiting I will serve You
While I'm waiting I will worship
While I'm waiting I will not faint

And I will serve You while I'm waiting
I will worship while I'm waiting
I will serve You while I'm waiting
I will worship while I'm waiting
I will serve You while I'm waiting
I will worship while I'm waiting on You Lord

We'll pick this journey up again in a month.....what's one more month, right???  And in the meantime....I will wait.