My own little island

I have some pretty awesome people helping me along this journey.  From my "virtual sisters" from the Fertility Friend message boards, to my amazing hubby, who's had to deal with my rollercoaster emotions for the last year and a half, as well as numerous friends/family/coworkers who've been supportive, even my college friends who couldn't really relate (because they were knocked up after looking at their husband's...) but empathized for me.  Out of all of my support system, though, there was the ONE FRIEND that totally got it, only because she was in the seat right next to me on the infertility rollercoaster.....that is, until now.  Yep, my token infertile friend called me yesterday.  They're pregnant. 

Don't get me wrong.  I am over the moon excited for her.  They've been at it as long as we have and started meds several months ago as well.  I was, by no means, surprised to get the call.  I mean, we've kept each other in the loop throughout every cycle.  Hell, I even knew what time of the day she did the trigger shot.  If I'm being honest, she's probably the only friend/family member that's told me and my initial desire wasn't to jump through the phone and strangle her. (Nice image, huh?)  But as I got off the phone with her, I couldn't help but feel that sadness creep in.  Only this time it was a different sadness than I'd experienced before....it was more like, the realization that I'm completely alone.

As I drove home from work (my 40 minute commute), I allowed myself 5 minutes to feel sorry for myself.  During those 5 minutes, the image of a deserted island kept popping into my mind.  It's like....we were trapped on this deserted island together and then one day, someone comes to rescue us, but there's only enough room for one....so now she's gone & I'm left on my own little island, who knows when I'll get to be rescued.  When I got home, of course I poured myself a glass of wine and allowed myself 5 more minutes of self pity.  As I sat with my full glass of wine and my empty womb, I prayed that my ship will come in soon.....and then this morning, as I drove to work, I saw the most beautiful sunrise.  A peace came over me....and then I thought, "I'm not alone on my island....the Lord is sitting right next me...and has been for a long time."

God is Good.  My prayer quickly changed from the usual 'me, me, me' to prayers for my friend who's experiencing this amazing miracle.  I pray that her baby will continue to grow and in 9 months they're welcoming their beautiful, healthy baby.  And if I'm lucky, maybe I'll be knocked up by then, too.