It's with a heavy heart that I'm writing about yesterday's ultrasound & bloodwork appointment. Monday night, I got a text from my infertile/pregnant friend with sad news. They went for their 11 week checkup and found there was no heartbeat. The baby had stopped growing at 7 weeks. My friend is devastated...as am I for them. Not gonna lie...their pregnancy and BFP was the one I was vicariously living through. My heart hurts for them. She text me yesterday about how they got the hospital for her d/c and they had to make a lot of decisions they didn't know they would be face with: if they wanted to bury the fetus or have the hospital take care of it, did they want it baptized, etc. She said it was much more difficult than she ever imagined. I have no idea what to do or say....so I sent flowers? What else could I do??? I can empathize, but I have absolutely no idea how she feels. And get this....silly girl.....she was asking ME how everything went at my checkup. REALLY??? I almost couldn't bring myself to say the words, I was feeling so guilty (and I'm not even knocked up yet!)
As for my appointment, I was slightly disappointed at the ultrasound..I'm not sure why....I think it had a lot to do with the fact I was CD 12 and my follicle size wasn't very big. I know, I know....it doesn't matter what day it is when you're on the meds....everything is monitored so closely and the cycle day really doesn't matter at this point, but it was still hard to not let it get in my head. The nurse made a comment like, "Oh so you're getting very close!" To which my response was, "uhhh, yeah probably not." Last Saturday, I had 6 small follies on one side, 4 on the other, the biggest ones were 9.5 and 9.8. CD 12 I have one at 14mm and one at 13mm....a few others that are pretty tiny still (10mmX2, 8mm). I left the doctor's office a little sad (again..not sure why!) and waited for my phone call.
My mind was put at ease when my doctor's nurse called yesterday afternoon. I guess the upped dosage of 150iu Follistim did the trick! My estradiol numbers are looking great, and *FX* by the end of the week/weekend, we will be doing IUI. I have one more shot tonight, another checkup in Kearney tomorrow, and then....who knows! Possibly trigger tomorrow or we may have another checkup. Either way.....we are getting close! I wish my heart could be 100% excited for our progress, but I can't help but mourn for our friends at the same time. My friend told me last night that her DH (who's my DH's best friend dating back to middle school...) broke down for the first time when the flowers we'd sent arrived. It broke my heart to hear that. She kept saying that she wants me to keep sharing our good news after each appointment, but I'm still struggling to do that. I was very honest and asked her to please tell me when our good news is causing them more pain. That's the last thing I want to do.
Updates to come...
No comments:
Post a Comment