A few weeks ago, while I was home sitting on my butt during Christmas break, I started browsing through different fertility books on amazon.com. On several occasions I had come across the book Hannah's Hope by Jennifer Saake. I am always looking for new fertility reading material and decided this would be my next purchase. I ordered it off of eBay for like $7 (including shipping!)....gotta love eBay! Anyways, it arrived this week. I started reading a little here and there when I'd come home from work. Right away I felt this book tugging at me, calling me. So last night, as DH was watching T.V. (more like sleeping in front of the T.V) I continued to read Hannah's Hope.
WOW. What an incredible story. In a nutshell, the author tells two stories simultaneously, her own journey of infertility, miscarriages, and adoption loss, and the story of Hannah from the Old Testament. If you are a spiritual person and are looking for some spiritual guidance, this is THE BOOK to read. I finished the entire book in about 3 hours. I felt such a connection to both the author and to Hannah---not because of the journey of infertility, but because of the similarities of our spiritual journeys. It made me reflect on where we've been, where we're at, and where we hope to be. I would highly recommend this book to anyone struggling to give up complete control to God, anyone living in the past or future, or if you're wanting to find that inner peace while on this journey. I can honestly say that this morning I woke up with a renewed sense of HOPE and a peace that hasn't been in my soul in a very, very long time.
My timing (wait...God's timing for me) reading this book couldn't have been any better. This morning was my first checkup since starting injections on Monday. I am on CD 9 today. Although the results weren't as great as they could have been, I took the news with stride, acceptance, and trust that He knows what He's doing and everything is going to work out the way it's supposed to! Results of the u/s showed I have multiple follicles growing: left side-9.5, 9.7, 9.0, 7.5, 7.0mm and right side-9.8, 9.5, 7.6, 7.6mm and lining was 4 1/2 mm. Estradiol was 77. Sooooo....things are progressing, but not as well as they would like, so I've been bumped up to 150 iu of Follistim and have another appointment on Tuesday to check again.
I have such a good feeling of hope right now--and it really has nothing to do with this cycle working or not. I think I've finally been able to truly give this up to God. I know there will be times when I want to snatch it back from God, but I need to remind myself that I have given it up to Him and that HE AND ONLY HE is in control of this journey.
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